'Color me impressed," went the old Replacements song, but this month you can color us unimpressed. What doesn't impress us? Where to start... ?

Royalty doesn't impress us, as more Americans would rather see their children marry into the Obama family than into the British royal family. (The Kardashian family pulled down 2 percent of Democrats, however; mull that.) Neither do celebrities impress us; otherwise, more than just a few percent would likely be swayed whenever one of them decided to endorse a candidate. And Pulitzer Prizes don't impress us—more of us would prefer to go home with Olympic gold. 

What else fails to impress? Black robes, for one thing: a majority of Americans believe that the Citizens United decision was a bad one. 

Finally, color us unimpressed with ourselves on at least one other score: one out of four Americans can't name Abraham Lincoln's assassin. Personal note to 1 percent of you (and you know who you are): Michael Tilson Thomas, his three names notwithstanding, is in fact a conductor and composer.