INTELLIGENCE REPORT: THE MUSICIANS

SIGNATURE SONG

"Kill You"

"Bootylicious"

"Cry Me a River"

"Superstar"

"Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground"

SIGNATURE SOUND

Potty-mouthed Beatnik fusillade

Erotic disco shriek

Bubblegum elevator

Soul crooner

Junkyard rockablues

ROLE MODEL

Elvis

J.Lo

Marky Mark

Luther Vandross

Bob Dylan

ANTI-ROLE MODEL

Vanilla Ice

Mariah Carey

Donnie Wahlberg

Sam Harris

Donny and Marie

STYLES AS...

Gun-toting scamp

Street princess

Drama-camp outlaw

Velvet teddy bear

Warmed-over grunge ironic minimalist

SIGNATURE ATTIRE

Wife beater and tracksuit

Bejeweled bikini top and glittery hip-huggers

Ab-exposing black T and houndstooth hat

705" jersey

Semi-comical white T and red pants

DISCONCERTING FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIP

Longs for his mother's death in song

Stage dad/ manager

Tattooed mother's initials on his back

Tagalong older brother

ibiguous ex-wife/ big sister Meg

RUMORED CELEB HOOKUP

Brittany Murphy

Jay-Z

Janet Jackson

Fellow contestant Kimberly Locke

Renee Zellweger

HOOD

East Detroit

Houston

Memphis

Birmingham

Southwest Detroit

ACCESSORY

Alter egos

Star Search runner-up trophy

Wounded grimace

The Lord

Undead pallor

TRAINING GROUND

The Rap Olympics

Rehearsals in mother's hair salon

The Mickey Mouse Club

Rising Star Baptist Church Cherub Choir

Detroit faux-dive-bar circuit

BIG COOL FRIEND

Dr. Dre

Austin Powers

Christina Aguilera

Ryan Seacrest

Loretta Lynn

LITTLE BUDDY

50 Cent

Kelly Rowland

Lance Bass

Clay Aiken

British music press

SIGNATURE SCANDAL

Arrested for pistolwhipping man outside Detroit-area club

Lawsuit/feud with original Destiny's Child members

Self-pitying serial Britney confessions

Alleged jersey payola

Taking ex-wife's name

PICKUP LINE

"So?"

"Hands off the sequins!"

"She really hurt me bad, you know.'

"Come sit on Santa's lap.

"This really isn't my scene.'

DREAM LAWN ORNAMENT

Moby-cutout shooting range

Soul Train dance floor

Jumbotron image of self

Neon crucifix

Broken jungle gym

RICHARD RUSHFIELD

ADAM LEFF