The Coaster Correspondence

More of the very expensive words of Edwin John Coaster, contributing editor

EDWIN COASTER

July 30, 2002

Dear Graydon:

Thank you for reanimating my contract, and for the advance DYD of The Kid Sta,z in the Picture. It was preit~ good, though not hail as watohable as the Mayslea brothers' `74 documentar~, about me, Penprick. (~a~,be you can get USA Films to acquire and re-release it-it'd be a much bigger deal.) Anyhoo, while I'm beavering away on Bilge oZ the Soul: My Journey Through Being Difficult, I have a small lavorino to ask of you. You'll remember my daughter Dahlia, from that fling `,:ith the Aeromexico ste.: I had between wives three and four? Believe it or not, the girl is now a beautilul woman of 19, and a graphic-design major at 1~hode Iwland School of Design, on temporary leave for minor disciplinary reasons. (What's the world coming to when ou can't smoke dope at art school?) Our beloved mutual agent, Andrew Wylie, says he's certain you could find an internship spot for my darling Dahlia in your art department. She'll be sending you a note this week. She's currently living in Providence ..ith her Brownie boyiriend, Prince Anton Loofa Moretto-Taielspitz of Andorra, but she can shack up with her mother on the Upper East Side for the duration of her V.P. employment. Maybe she can hang out with your bo,s, too! Best

DIOfl RHODE ISLAND PIOVIENCE, II, 02S03 111011 SCHOOL OF DESIGN 8 August 2002 Mr. Grayson Carter Vanity Fair Conde Nastit Publicaions 4 Times Square NYC 10036 Dear Grayson: Hi-I'm Ed Coaster's daughter Dahlia. We went to your lake house once and you grilled sausage. I'm majoring in graphic design at RISO and am looking for an internship. I really want to work in the film or fashion industry but magazines are cool too, and your the only magazine editor I know. I have been at RISD for 3 semesters so I know a lot about design, plus I can do Adobe Photo Shop. Thank you for considering me for this position. I would like to work with David LaShapell if at all possible. Sincerely,

CC: Mr. Chrj Garrett managing Odtor

VANITY FAIR DAViD HAUlS DESIGN DIIECTOR 8/2L&12 Graydon: Under no circumstances will I continue to have Dahlia Coaster in my department. She swans in every morning around II. wearing her little half T's and smelling of Rothman `a cigarettes. She proceeds to spend all her time on the phone. loudly planning her weekends with "Anton" while leafing through my copies of W and Visionaire. When I have the audacity to ask her to run an errand, she acts as if I've demanded that she climb 1(2 with a fucking Toyota strapped to her back. Yesterday I asked her to bring me an iced coffee. She sighed, sulked, rolled her eyes. disappeared for about 40 minutes, and returned with a hot coffee. When I called her on this. she looked at me like I was an idiot and said, `You just ... put some ice in it. Fridge's over there." I stood there seething for about 30 seconds before I noticed she was still staring at me, her mouth slightly open. She smiled and said. "You know, you kinda took like that guy on Will and Grae." Like nothing had happened! Last week I sent her down to the library to pull some archival photos for Amy Fine Collins's story on Capucine. She came back six hours later with precisely one color Xerox-of a capuchin monkey. And then this morning, Risko comes in to drop off his artwork for New Establishment. Our Miss Coaster is looking over his shoulder while he's showing me his stuff and i'm singing its praises. And Dahlia says to him, "Why do you always have to draw everyone so, like, pointy?" Needless to say, Risko stormed out to the elevators without so much as a good-bye. He still hasn't returned any of my apologetic messages. ("raydon, this girl is toxic-the worst daughter of a famous person we've had yet. She doesn't deserve a name as pretly as Dahlia-how about Lupin. or Flytrap?