THE LIFE OF ANDY

Screenplay

With an excerpt from the script for Man on the Moon, based on the life of subversive comedian Andy Kaufman, the screenwriters of Ed Wood and The People vs. Larry Flynt preview their new movie, opening in November, directed by Milos Forman and starring Jim Carrey, Courtney Love, and Danny DeVito

SCOTT ALEXANDER

LARRY KARASZEWSKI

Young audiences today, if they know Andy Kaufman at all, might recognize him as Latka, the tongue-tied, vaguely Eastern European immigrant on the television series Taxi. Or possibly they've seen him lipsynching the Mighty Mouse theme song on an old Saturday Night Live rerun. But knowing Kaufman only for his most popular TV work is a bit like knowing Picasso or Miles Davis only for their "Think Different" Apple ads. As a comedian, Kaufman was interested less in amusing audiences than in challenging them, provoking them, even angering them. His legendary performances—the word "routines" hardly does them justice—included reading The Great Gatsby out loud {all of it) to nightclub audiences; daring women to wrestle him onstage; taking an entire Carnegie Hall crowd out for milk and cookies. Kaufman also loved putting on friends and colleagues, so much so that when he died of lung cancer in 1984, at the age of 35, many in Hollywood suspected him of faking his own death as a kind of ultimate performance piece—something he had, in fact, discussed doing. Was any of this funny? For Kaufman, the question would have been beside the point. As the Kaufman character says in the Man on the Moon screenplay, "I want that audience to go through an experience. They love me! They hate me! They walk out—it's all GREAT!"

The film, directed by Milos Forman and produced by Jersey Films, stars Jim Carrey as Kaufman, along with Danny DeVito as his manager, George Shapiro, and Courtney Love as his girlfriend, Lynne Margulies. Performers who will appear in the following scenes include Gerry Becker as Stanley Kaufman, Andy's dad; Bobby Boriello as the eight-year-old Andy; and the real-life George Shapiro as a nightclub manager who, early on, fails to appreciate Kaufman's ... genius?

This excerpt from the beginning of the screenplay follows Kaufman's life up to a quintessential biopic moment: his first big break.

FADE IN:

EXTERIOR KAUFMAN HOUSE—1957—DAY

A BLACK-AND-WHITE image slowly becomes COLOR. Great Neck, 1957. An upper-class Jewish neighborhood. In the street, crew-cut BOYS play T-ball, laughing and shouting. A fat convertible pulls up to the smallest house, and STANLEY KAUFMAN, 35, gets out. Still in his suit, he's a well-meaning slave to his job—tired, responsible.

INTERIOR KAUFMAN HOUSE, KITCHEN—DAY

Baby CAROL is crying. Mom JANICE, 32, quickly peels carrots, trying to get dinner made. Stanley marches past.

STANLEY: Is he in his room?

JANICE: Of course he's in his room, {aggravated) All his

"friends" are in there.

Stanley glowers. He huffs upstairs.

INT. KAUFMAN HOUSE, HALLWAY—DAY

Stanley hurries up to Andy's shut door. We hear little Andy doing VOICES.

ANDY: {offscreen as WORRIED GIRL) But, Professor, why are the monsters growing so big? {now as BRITISH PROFESSOR) It's something in the jungle water. I need to crack the secret code.

Excerpted from the screenplay of Man on the Moon, which will be released in November by Universal Pictures; © 1999 by Universal Studios. The screenplay, which was written by Scott Alexander & Larry Karaszewski, will be published in book form by Newmarket Press, New York.

Stanley rolls his eyes. He opens the door...

INT. KAUFMAN HOUSE, ANDY'S ROOM—DAY

... revealing ANDY, eight, performing for the wall. Andy is happy

and enthusiastic ... as long as he's acting.

ANDY: (as BRITISH PROFESSOR) Maybe I should talk

to the natives, (as dancing NATIVES) Shoom boom boo ba! Shoom boomboo ba—

STANLEY: Andy!

ANDY: (startled) Oh!

The boy suddenly turns off, becoming introverted ... awkward.

Frustrated, Stanley stares at his son.

STANLEY: Andy, this has to stop. Our house isn't a television station. There is not a camera in that wall.

Andy glances over at the wall. Hmm.

STANLEY: (trying to cope) Son ... listen to me.

It isn't healthy. u should be outside, playing sports.

ANDY: But I've got a sports show. Championship

wrestling, at five.

STANLEY: (he blows his top) u know that's not what I

meant! Look, I'm gonna put my foot down! No more playing alone. You wanna perform, you GOTTA have an audience!

ANDY: (he points at the wall) B-but I have them.

STANLEY: No! That is NOT an audience! That is PLASTER!

An audience is people made of flesh! They—five and breathe! Got it?!

Andy thinks, considering his options. Then he nods. CUT TO:

INT. KAUFMAN HOUSE, FAMILY ROOM—LATER THAT DAY

Baby Carol sits in her crib. Andy's hands suddenly YANK her out.

INT. KAUFMAN HOUSE, ANDY'S ROOM—DAY

Andy hurries in and plops Carol down on the floor. She dutifully sits there, deadpan.

Andy returns to the center of the room. He resumes his show.

ANDY: (as KIDDIE-SHOW HOST) And now, boys and girls! It's time for ... TV Fun House\ (he makes an APPLAUSE SOUND) Hi, everybody! Are you ready for a sing-along? I'll say the animal, and you make the sound! O.K. ... ? O.K.! (he starts to SING) "Oh, the cow goes ..."

Carol stares, unblinking. Then—

CAROL: Moo.

ANDY: (he smiles, pleased) "And the dog goes ..."

CAROL: WOOF!

ANDY: "And the cat says ..."

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. N.Y. NIGHTCLUB—MID-70s—NIGHT

TIGHT on ANDY, now GROWN UP, 26 years old, still performing the song.

DRUNK AUDIENCE: Meow!!

WIDE—It's a small, hip New York nightclub.

ANDY: "And the bird says ..."

DRUNK AUDIENCE: TWEET!!

ANDY: "And the lion goes ..."

DRUNK AUDIENCE: ROAR!!

ANDY: "And that's the way it goes!" (he grins) Thank

you. Good-bye!

Andy waves and bows. There's faint scattered applause.

Andy sighs. An irritated MANAGER steps onstage. He shoots Andy a disgruntled look, then takes the mike.

MANAGER: The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman, ladies and gentlemen!

In the background, Andy starts packing up his props: hand puppets, conga drums, a phonograph ... it all goes into a big bulky case.

CUT TO:

INT. N.Y. NIGHTCLUB—LATER THAT NIGHT

The club is empty. At the bar, the Manager cleans up. Andy

eagerly comes over. Offstage, his presence is soft, placid—his voice

barely above a whisper.

ANDY: So, Mr. Besserman, same slot tomorrow ... ?

MANAGER: (awkward) Eh, I dunno ... Andy. I'm ... thinkin' of letting you go ...

ANDY: You're firing me?? (beat) You don't even pay me!

MANAGER: Look—I don't wanna seem insulting. But ... your act is like amateur hour: sing-alongs ... puppets ... playing records ...

A stunned beat. Andy is hurt.

ANDY: What do you want? "Take my wife, please"?

MANAGER: Sure! Comedy! Make jokes about the traffic. Do impressions. Maybe a little blue material ...

ANDY: I don't swear. I—I don't do what everyone else does!

MANAGER: Well, everyone else gets this place cookin'! Pal, it's hard for me to move booze when you're singin' "Pop Goes the Weasel."

Andy stares, disheartened.

MANAGER: I'm sorry. You're finished here.

An uncomfortable beat—and then Andy starts crying. The Manager is dumbfounded. He doesn't know what to do. Tears are rolling pitifully down Andy's cheeks. The Manager is confused—totally disoriented. Shamed, Andy covers his face, then runs out. Silence. The Manager stares after him ... having no idea what just happened.

EXT. N.Y. NIGHTCLUB—NIGHT

Sobbing, Andy bursts out the door. He steps onto the sidewalk— andIMMEDIATELY STOPS CRYING.Just like that.

Andy lifts his big case and starts walking. He shakes his head angrily. He turns down a dark street, hurrying alone through an unsavory New York neighborhood.

CUT TO:

EXT. N.Y.—NIGHT

The Improv, the biggest comedy club around. People are lined up, waiting.

A man walks up—GEORGE SHAPIRO,a Hollywood talent manager. George is old-school: Bronx accent, schmooze, and a hug ... but with a surprising sweetness that is quite disarming.A DOORMANsees him, grins, and waves George in.

INT. N.Y. IMPROV, BAR—NIGHT

The bar is packed withCOMICSandSHOWBIZ TYPES.A few turn and smile—'George!" ''Hey, George!" George shakes a couple hands, whispers to someone else, then drifts into the ...

INT. N.Y. IMPROV, SHOWROOM—NIGHT

...where the show's in progress. OwnerBUDD FRIEDMANsees George and gives him a bear hug. Then he hustles George to a table. George sits—and gives the stage his undivided attention. Up there is aWISEASS COMIC.

WISEASS COMIC: So I'm getting my mother-in-law a special Christmas present: a pre-paid funeral! The mortician asked me if I wanted her buried, embalmed, or cremated. I said, "Make it all three!I'm not talcin' any chances/"{the crowdLAUGHS) Thank you. Good night!

The comic waves and exits.APPLAUSE.George politely claps. A PIANO PLAYERjumps in with an upbeat show tune. We think there's a break ... when Andy suddenly, awkwardly steps onstage. He is in character as Foreign Man. Pink jacket, tie, hair slicked back. Frightened like a deer in headlights. He puts down his big case, pulls out various junk, and arranges it on chairs.

The room hushes, uncertain as to who the hell this guy is. Andy tentatively grabs the mike. The stage fright is agony.

ANDY:{asFOREIGN MAN) Now? Now ... ? {looking around)Tank you veddy much. I am very happy to be here. I tink—this is a very beautiful place. But one ting I do not like is too much traffic. Tonight I had to come from, eh, and the freeway, it was so much traffic. It took mean hour and a half to get here!

Andy chuckles, as if this were a punch line. Silence. The crowd is baffled.

ANDY:{asFOREIGN MAN) But—talking about the terrible things: My wife. Take my wife, please take her.

Yikes. A fewNERVOUS LAUGHS.Andy gestures, as if they got the joke.

ANDY:{as FOREIGN MAN) No, really, I am only foolink. I love my wife very much. But she don't know how to cook. u know, one time, she make steak and mashed potato. Ehh, and the night before, she make spaghetti and meatballs. Her cooking is so bad ... is terrible.

People are embarrassed. Some avert their eyes. A couple of hipsters laugh mockingly. George leans forward. Andy wipes sweat from his brow.

ANDY:(asFOREIGN MAN) Right now, I would like to do for you some imitations. So, first, I would like to imitate Archie Bunker.

(no change in his voice)

"You stupid, everybody ees stupid! Ehh, get, get out of my chair, Meatinto head ... the go kitchen, in the, eh, making Dingbat, get the food! Ehh, ih / everybody ees stupid! I don't like nobody, ees so stupid!" Tank you veddy much.

{pleased, he proudly bows)

Now I would like to imitate Jimmy Carter, the president of the United States.

(no change in his voice)

"Hello, I am Jimmy Carter, the president of the United States."

Some peopleBOOand walk out. A fewGIGGLE,getting in the groove. George is intrigued.

ANDY:(asFOREIGN MAN) And now ... I would like to imitate the Elvis Presley.

A womanLAUGHScaustically. Andy grins stupidly, then turns his back to us. He presses ''Play" on aCASSETTE RECORDER ...and theTHEME FROM "2001"starts playing.

Houselights dim dramatically. With a flourish, Andy pulls tape off his pants—revealing rhinestones. He removes his pink coat and puts on a white jeweled jacket.

He combs his hair.

Then he brushes his hair.

Then he combs his hair some more.

Finally he picks up a guitar, strikes a pose—and spins around.

He is ELVIS. CONFIDENT. SEXY. LIP CURL. DEAD-ON PERFECT.

The crowd is blown away. Vegas Elvis INTRO MUSIC suddenly blasts. Andy/Elvis swaggers stage left and takes a bow. Then he goes stage right and takes a bow. Then he returns stage left for another bow. Music STOPS.

ANDY: (as ELVIS) Thank you very much.

Wow. Flabbergasted, people APPLAUD. This man is Elvis. Suddenly—'BLUE SUEDE SHOES" guitar kicks in.

ANDY: (as ELVIS, SINGING)

"WELL, IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY TWO FOR THE SHOW THREE TO GET READY NOW GO CATS GO!"

ANGLE-GEORGE

He is astonished. George cannot quite figure out what's going on ... but he wants in.

He waves Budd over. Budd leans down, and George WHISPERS.

GEORGE: Psst. What's the story with this guy?

BUDD: I think he's Lithuanian. None of us can under-

stand him.

George nods admiringly.

GEORGE: He does a hell of an Elvis.

CUT TO:

INT. N.Y. IMPROV, BACKSTAGE—LATER THAT NIGHT

Andy is packing up his things. He very methodically folds each item of clothing, then checks the creases.

George strolls up.

GEORGE: Hey, I really enjoyed your set.

ANDY: (as FOREIGN MAN) Tank you veddy much.

GEORGE: So I understand you're from Lithuania?

ANDY: (as FOREIGN MAN) No. Caspiar.

George is puzzled.

GEORGE: Caspiar? I haven't heard of that.

ANDY: (as FOREIGN MAN) It's a veddy small island in de Caspian Sea. (beat) It sunk.

GEORGE: Oh. Hem. I'm, uh, sorry, (beat) Well, look, I'm probably out of my mind—but I think you're very interesting. If you ever need representation ... we should talk.

George hands him a BUSINESS CARD. Andy reads it—then his eyes pop. He DROPS the accent.

ANDY: Mr. Shapiro, it's an honor!!

George realizes it's all been an act. He laughs heartily.

GEORGE: Caspiar, huh?!

CUT TO:

INT. SOHO HEALTH-FOOD RESTAURANT—NIGHT

Andy and George sit in a bohemian health-food restaurant. Hippie waitresses in sandals mill around.

Andy and George are trying to get a sense of each other.

ANDY: You see, I want to be the biggest star in the world.

George is surprised at this hubris.

GEORGE: People love ... comedians.

ANDY: I'm not a comedian. I have no talent, (he shrugs) I'm just a song-and-dance man.

George looks up at Andy—and inexplicably there is a giant MOIST BOOGER hanging from Andy's nostril. George cringes. He doesn't know what to say. A waitress brings over two plates of awful 70s HEALTH FOOD—beans, sprouts, seaweed. Andy beams. George is skeptical.

Andy pulls out a little Handi Wipe and cleanses his hands. Then he starts arranging the food in compulsive little piles: Beans in pinwheel shapes. Sprouts in piles.

George peers at the bizarre food behavior.

GEORGE: u show a lot of promise ... but... my concern is I don't know where to book you. You're not a stand-up. Your act doesn't exactly translate to films. It's not a series ...

ANDY: I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall.

GEORGE: Yeah, ha-ha. That's funny.

Andy dips his silverware in the water glass. Two dunks, then he dries it with his napkin. George stares, perplexed. He looks back up—and Andy's booger has suddenly switched nostrils.

Huh?

ANDY: See, I don't want easy laughs or polite applause!

Any bozo can get those!

Andy's about to eat—butfirst bows his head in silent prayer. George raises an eyebrow. Andy snaps his head back up.

ANDY: I want gut reactions! I want that audience to go

through an experience. They love me! They hate me! They walk out—it's all GREAT!

Andy triumphantly sticks a bean in his mouth. George smiles.

GEORGE: Vbu're insane, (beat) But—you also might be brilliant, (sincere) All right, Andy ... let's do it.

George warmly extends his hand. Andy slowly smiles, then takes George's hand. The men shake. A moment of supreme importance.