Neurotically Yours

Seeking help with Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo

rom their first collaboration, on the Emmy-winning The Ben Stiller Show, to their dysfunctional superheroics in the upcoming film Mystery Men, Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo have become the neurotic wondertwins of their generation. This month, with their psychobabble satire, Feel This Book, in stores, GEORGE WAYNE helps them get in touch with their inner children.

George Wayne: I have to say, Ms. Garofalo, after reading Feel This Book, I thought your part of it was far more substantive and had more weight to it than Bens did.

Janeane Garofalo: You are really asking for it.

I think you're just attracted to Ben.

Ben Stiller: Well, Janeane did write more words than I did.

G.W. I liked best the part where you say,

"The most important person to control is the person you have sex with."

J.G. That's my id talking. It certainly is important, but I don't mean it.

G.W. Of late, Ben, is it true you are releasing your chakras with Calista Flockhart?

B.S. Oh, my Lord. Let me tell you something—Janeane's been with Calista Flockhart. If you want the dirt, it's Janeane and Calista.

G.W. Oh, c'mon.

B.S. I'll admit nothing to you.

G.W. Janeane, what's Ben's strongest sexual asset?

J.G. His sense of humor, and the fact that he actually broke the headboard on his bed.

B.S. [Blushing.] When did that happen?

J.G. u were playing a sex game.

B.S. No, no, no.

G.W. Yes, yes, yes.

B.S. Do not print that out of context, O.K.? As a joke a friend gave me this board game. You spin the dial, and it has different sexual positions on it.

J.G. I think the headboard broke when he was playing the game.

B.S. That's sheer conjecture! I've never even opened the box of the game. It's still shrink-wrapped.

G.W. Janeane, is it true you called models "genetic freaks"?

J.G. Yes, I did. I meant that, actually, in a way, their pituitary glands are so overactive genetically. I do not like the culture that perpetuates the worship of high fashion.

G.W. But I can tell, Ben is a fashion bessie.

B.S. No I'm not.

J.G. Yes he is!

G.W. Janeane, another pet peeve of yours is that you hate the trappings of fame. You rage constantly against the fame machine, so why court fame?

B.S. Good question.

J.G. It's not really courting fame. But I do enjoy the lifestyle it affords you by being a working actor. And I do enjoy the times when people recognize you and you can cut to the front of the line. What I don't participate in is: "It's Puff Daddy's birthday ... blah, blah, blah." And I always ask to go in a back way, instead of down the red carpet. G.W. Ben, did you know that your ex-girlfriend played field hockey in high school?

B.S. Who, her? We were never boyfriendgirlfriend.

G.W. Janeane, he won't admit it!

B.S. We were, like, intimate for a very short period of time.

G.W. You know, Ben, you were actually bom one day after G. W. Fm older than you, but you look older than I do.

J.G. I really, really do think you're attracted to Ben. You have that cutting thing.

B.S. What year were you bom?

G.W. The same year as John-John Kennedy. Go look it up in the archives, darling. You're the son of showbiz legends Stiller & Meara. You never had to suffer any hard knocks.

B.S. Everybody has their own set of obstacles that they have to confront when they're trying to make it in this business. There are plenty of stories of showbiz kids who end up "behind the music," or whatever.

G.W. Janeane, your vital statistics: you were once named funniest person in Rhode Island; your favorite Spice Girl is Sporty Spice—

J.G. I'm in love with Sporty Spice.

B.S. I know Mel C. I know her through our mutual friend Guy Oseary.

G.W. Please! G. W. is quizzing Janeane, Ben! Have you ever thought about being a Sandra Bernhard single mom?

J.G. I used to think about being a single mother. Until I started getting dogs, and then I realized I was not ready to be a single mother. So I just take care of my dogs, Dew and Kid.

G.W. Well, because there are two of you there is no more room, so G. W. thanks J.G. and B.S.

B.S. B.S.? I never heard that one before!