Uptown vs. Downtown

What's up and what's down in New York City

Location, location, location. Or, in Clintonese. the location, stupid. It's what uptown's all about, what everything swings from. A look, an air, a sort of "I'm uptown and you're not" snobbism. Uptown says it all. He!she's so uptown, someone says, and immediately a picture forms. Smart, sophisticated, and rich enough to carry it off. Everyone wants to be—and look—uptown. Few are called. Fewer are chosen. —SUZY

Downtown, it doesn't matter where—or whom—you're from, as long as you've got flair and chutzpah enough to pull off your brazen bid at celebrity. An alternative, iconoclastic universe in which ei'eryone conforms to nonconformity, it's a place where pop culture and commercialism are both worshiped and satirized, where uptown is roundly derided as many strive to get there. —MICHAEL MUSTO

PEOPLE

Tom Wolfe = Bret Easton Ellis

Nicole Miller = Betsey Johnson

Peter Martins = Mark Morris

Sister Parish = Bilhuber Inc

Woody Allen = Jonathan Demme

Jerry Zipkin = R. Couri Hay

Bobby Short = Blue Man Group

Tom Brokaw = Tabitha Soren

Bobby Zarem = Cutrone Weinberg

Brooke Astor = Chi Chi Valenti

Lauren Bacall = Lauren Hutton

PLACES

The Metropolitan Club = Prism

Giorgio Armani = A/X

Seventh Regiment Armory = Webster Hall

57th Street = Canal Street

Coco Pazzo = Baroceo

Museum of Natural History = New York Earth Room

Le Cirque = Le Madri

Carnegie Hall = PS. 122

Madison Avenue = Prince Street

Turtle Bay = MacDougal-Sullivan Gardens

Mortimer's = Cafe Tabac

The Met = Guggenheim SoHo

Beekman Theatre = Angelika Film Center

Bergdorf Goodman = Patricia Field

Yorkville = Chinatown

Elizabeth Arden = 10th Street Russian Baths

Bottega Veneta = St. Mark's Leather

THINGS

Exhibitions = Exhibitionists

Exhibitionists = Exhibitions

Chanel cap = X cap

Radu = David Barton

Chest implants = Nipple piercing

Chic = Dope

Body tuck = Sex change

Legion of Honor = AIDS ribbon

On the Avenue = R.O.M.E.

Pearls = Pacifiers

Shih Tzus = Rats

W = Paper

Prada bags = Moroccan knapsacks

Fur coat = Carhartt jacket

Dynasty = The Real World

Cats = The Fantasticks

Sunday brunch = Sunday tea dance

Continuation of 70s fashion = Revival of 70s fashion

Alzheimer's = Memory loss from drug use

Panini at Sant Ambroeus = Pizza at Ben's SoHo

Charity balls = Outlaw parties

Gio (at the Pierre) = Astor Place Hair Designers

Cafe Carlyle = CBGB

CROSSTOWN

William Norwich

Calvin and Kelly Klein

Isaac Mizrahi

Brian McNally

Fabicn Baron

Fran Lebowitz

Versace

Ross Bleckner

Susan Sontag

Barneys

The Royalton