Mad Money

Manuel Noriega made his money the old-fashioned way: he laundered it. His account at the B.C.C.I. held up to $25 million and paid off local pols and the Noriega family's charge cards. We've gotten hold of Noriega's Visa bills—as any cardholder knows, these printouts constitute blank verse, a digital portrait of a shopper.

'03 1503-0583 PALACE HOTEL GSTAAD 757.22 SWF 1416.00

/03 1903-03 90 HERTZ AUTOVERHIETUNG ZUERICH 145.88 SWF 272.40

i/03 1303-0901 GRAND HOTEL ALPINA GSTAAD 2359.38 SWF 4461.60

An Alpine adventure? Perhaps a travel agent's error—the wrong sort of powder. Don't fret, Manuel—from now on, it's alldownhill.

Valentino couture? That's where we'd seek asylum.

At last, a fashion dictator with firepower—khaki isthe navy blue of Panama.

And that Vegas western boutique—cowboy duds for a rootin'-tootin' terrorist, Hopalong Noriega, the little louse on the prairie.

Paris to Coconut Grove? Of course—Dom Perignon payoffs to the powerful mah-jongg cartel. Forget the skin, Sadie, he's a nice boy—the Mensch Connection.

Nine grand at Bulgari—but Mrs. Bush already haspearls.

Browsing in Colombia—the colorful pottery, the wall hangings, the inexpensive public officials.

23/33 431 200-00007122267 3KtH3TcL 5074.42 COCONUT GROVE

24/11 497670-31856220434 6ULGARI PARIS 6635562010 9713.11 75 PARIS 8E 63375.00 RF

/05 (2 406-0929) ALHACEN VAHOS HEDELLIN 125.10 I FCU' 25920.00

o in K.w-n O u 09 Wl ro O _J o m"Xin o in W in rrUI 2026.99 Ui

15/04 497630-24597338733 V t-O M O m OB 2JL •W O n O cc. O O' O 09 rC• M o O -M 1769.66

0/00 401801-10036229559 HELNSLEY PA2K LANE 331.91 NEW YORK

Luncheon with Leona—who else really understands? Stir in Imelda, Idi, and a Duvalier or two—the Zsa Zsa Liberation Front. A tyrant tip: Don't fire sassy chambermaids. Shoot'em.

PAUL RUDNICK