Fashions and Pleasures of New York

JOHN McMULLIN

THE unwritten law of the bridge table: Preserve thy sense of humor lest thy neighbor discover thy real disposition. There are books and books written to remind one of things not to do, but no one has ever put them in quite so charming a way as the gentleman with a sense of humor, Mr. Wynne Ferguson, who has compiled a list of "Don'ts" which are destined to become classic. Among the most delightful are:

"Don't bid your head off against a club or diamond declaration.

"Don't criticize your wife or argue with her under any circumstances. It's embarrassing for your guests. Try to remember that she doesn't want you as a partner anyway, and plays with you only on account of the family finances.

"Don't let your reason slip a cog when you find yourself in a bidding contest and imagine yourself the walking delegate or the Vice President of the bidders' union. At this point it is time to call a halt and hire a hall, or go to a quiet spot in Central Park and begin in a low voice to bid, say 3 Clubs! 4 Diamonds! 5 HEARTS! 6 SPADES! gradually increasing the volume of your voice till a policeman gets you. This may cure you of the overbidding habit.

"Don't try to play every hand. For heaven's sake give somebody else a chance. The people you are playing with may turn out to be good fellows after all. Who knows?"

THERE are so many rules in games and sports that it is a great wonder that there are any beginners at all. But I am told that if you, Mr. Golfer, are discouraged with your game, you should try a steel shafted golf club. For, so the rumor goes, with this club you will find yourself driving twice as far and patting yourself on the back every few minutes. The steel golf club is a great antidote to "Discouragement." Likewise the Dayton Steel Racquet, shown below with the golf clubs, is a cure for the discouragement of having one's racquets left about in damp places, out over night, and minus their stretchers. This racquet is all steel, except the handle, and none of these accidents can befall it with any ensuing harm.

The instinct for self-preservation is the greatest incentive to inventions. The Dayton Steel Racquet was invented to preserve the hostess from the carelessness of the week-end guest.

HOLLOW opera glasses with screw bottle top in place of lenses and cup caps were invented to preserve one from one's neighbor's gaze at public supper places.

You will note that, at the top of the page, are two very interesting and effective photographs of still life, which are the outcome of a very amusing conversation of two New York business men at lunch. I was taken to lunch by an important man of my firm who had invited a still more important man of another firm for the purpose of discussing future business. During the usual preliminary of pleasantries, inevitable at business lunches, the man in my firm discovered that the man in the other firm also had a child. Like one good father to another, he gave him a tip as to the most inexpensive and effective way to get on the good side of his threeyear-old son. "I go to Woolworth's," said he, "and buy two dollars' worth of their best toys, at ten cents a throw, and my kid thinks he's having Christmas twice a week. You know," he continued, by way of explanation, "they have the most wonderful animals and windmills and balloons that you've ever seen. And," he added in a confidential whisper, "the boy likes a change. He's a 'chip of the old block.'

"He's got the nursery so full of toys that he can play soldier or Indian or animals in the zoo or whatever else he fancies because he's got everything, and it cost me next to nothing, old man."

Well, the only result of that lunch, from a business point of view, was an order for Francis Bruguiere to do these interesting still life photographs.

And, by the way, when I went to buy the lions and tigers and cows, I found the toy counter surrounded by men who obviously had large families, or perhaps one should say "small" families, and 40th Street crowded with limousines.