"Love 'Em And Leave 'Em"

A Sentimental Journey Into the Middle West—A Narrative Poem in the American Language

JOHN V. A. WEAVER

Author of "In American"

LOVE 'em and Leave 'em—that's me, from now on.

I'm through with all this stuff about "forever"—

I'm through with ever meanin' it, I mean. I'm through with tellin' nothin' but the truth, And playin' square, and never pullin' tricks, Or lettin' any woman get your goat So that a man don't think about themself, But always worries how to please or help her. A bird's a sap that really falls in love—

Love 'em and Leave 'em—and to Hell with 'em.

Before I met this Nellie, I was that way;

I always had that motto, "Love 'em and leave 'em;"

I found it in some song, and say, I used it. Kid 'em along, you know, tell 'em I cared, Trick 'em or beat 'em—whatever it was they needed—

And if they bit, all right; and if they didn't, All right again—they's always plenty more.

Well, then, one night, down to the corner drug-store

I and Jack Marks was soppin' up a coke, Givin' some Janes the eye—and she comes in. I come near chokin' and drops the glass right there.

Jack gives a grin, and asts, "You want to meet her?"

And so he takes me up to where she stands, Makin' the other girls around look sick, Quiet and dignified and some ways sad;

One of them undecided blonds, you know, Sometimes bright yellow hair, sometimes it's brown;

Lively and cute, like blonds, but, at the same time,

Fires that burn and burn way deep down under . . .

But to get back to where I was, Jack wispers, "She lives a block from me—she's pretty, ain't she?

But, boy, she ain't got time for guys like you." She turns around, and looks up very calm; And, in that second, all the lines I had,

All of the reg'lar lies and funny stuff I was all set for springin', sorta choked me, And there I was, dumb like a high school kid. I give one look into them big blue eyes,

And, like you'd say, I took a runnin' dive Into 'em, and I couldn't seem to come up.

What did we say? The good Lord only knows, Only, when I was in my room again,

There was her name down on a sheet of paper, And me fixed up to see her the next night, And still a swimmin', like, in them blue eyes.

II

WELL, the next night I goes down to her house

And takes her to a movie. Just by luck It was a pitcher that was kinda good;

It had some laughs, and yet it had some tears, And some way made us feel we knew each other.

All the way home, we didn't say a lot;

But pretty soon we got down to her porch, And she says, "Hush, let's don't make too much noise;

Let's set and talk a little w'ile: you wanta?" Gee! That there hour—I couldn't start to tell you

The wonderful strange thing it was to me.

It was the way we was from that night on; The realest kind of pals that ever was.

I always give her all that I could give: And her—well, anyways, she didn't kid me, She was more honester than most girls are.

Well, I went home that night walkin' on air, With sleighbells ringin' in my head, and bugles, And oh, I ain't got words to say it right.

All I can say is I was gone for fair.

And when I got down to my job, next mornin' The boss comes by, and stops, and looks me over:

"Well, Frank, I s'pose the sky'll fall down next.

You here ahead o' time, and lookin' happy." Boy, was I good? I made a record that day, Sellin' eight suits, and sixteen pairs of shoes, And the Lord knows how many other things.

The boss come round that night and wagged his head,

And, "Frank", he says, "I don't know what's got in you,

But I sure hope it stays. You keep it up. And, pretty soon, you'll be too good for us. But I was gone already through the door.

I grabbed some chow, and put the glad rags on,

And in another hour there was us,

Nellie and me, dancin' round at the party The Jolly Six was givin' at Red Men's Hall.

And talk about the way them birds come round

For dances! Say, it was a mob-scene, right. More'n a dozen must of came up to me,

And ast me where I had been hidin' her.

And, funny thing, I swear I wasn't jealous; The better time she had, the better I had.

III

FROM that night on, I was her steady guy. And, then, it come along the first of June, And the big boss he calls me in one day,

And says, "Sit down, Frankie, I wanta see you. You sure been makin' time around this place. Now listen here: I'm goin' to Chicago,

And sell this store and start two new ones there.

Now I got such a crazy faith in you I tell you what I'll do: you come with me,

I'll make you manager of one big store.

What do you say, my boy?"

What could I say?

I nearly busted tryin' to thank him right.

I grabbed my lid and beat it down to Nellie's

And finds her sittin' in the parlor there,

And spills it at her. So she says, "That's great!

Frank, I'm so proud!" And then she starts in cryin'

All of a( sudden like her heart was cracked.

"Oh, Frank", she says, "What will I do without you?

What will I ever do without my boy-chum?"

I trembles like I got the Spanish flu— Then, "Nell", I says, "Let's you and me get married!"

Nellie quit cryin', but she just sat there And stared and stared out of the parlor window

Just like she didn't hear me. I kep' talkin', "Nellie, I'm goin' to be a big success,

And what I'll get in Chi 'll be enough To give you a nice home, and after a while A lot of things. Nellie! That's what I want— To give you things, and give 'em, and keep givin'."

I waited there, it seemed like a whole hour For her to answer. She just went on starin'. After a while she turned them blue eyes round And looked a long time right straight into mine.

Then, "Frank", she says at last, "I like you fine.

You're the best friend a girl could ever have. Always so thoughtful, always bein' nice,

But marryin' ... and love... that's somethin' different.

Oh, don't you think I haven't thought about it, Hours and hours—about love, I mean.

And this is what I know: when love does come,

It'll be like a fire in my blood,

It'll be crazy music in my head;

The man that I would love would make me feel

Like I was weak and helpless, just to see him; I would be scared to death, almost, and yet It would be wonderful, that bein' scared. Frank, you're the only person that I care for, But.. .Frank... you never made me feel that way.

I couldn't say a word. I put my arm Around her, and I kissed her on the mouth, But it was only like I kissed a sister—

They wasn't nothin' answerin' about it.

I looks at her a minute, then I says,

"Nellie, I guess I see the way it is.

All right, I s'pose the best thing I can do Is beat it just as far as I can get.

Thank God I got that job up in Chicago.

It'll be one way to forget you.See?"

Then Nellie starts to cry all over again.

"Oh, Frank, I just can't bear to let you go. Even if I don't marry you yet awhile That don't mean that I mightn't change my mind.

What will I ever do without my chum?

Please don't go, Frank! Oh, please don't go and leave me!"

What could I do when Nellie talked that way? Me, the poor fish I was! I passed it up.

I give that wonderful job up for her.

I says, "Nellie, of course I wouldn't leave you!

Maybe, some day; maybe you'll change your mind,—

About us marryin', I mean: I'll stay!"

And then I runs down to my boss's house, And told him I was sorry, I couldn't go. "Why?", says the boss. I couldn't tell him why.

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He ramps and rages all around the joint,

And then he yells out, "I'll be good and damned!

I thought you was a salesman. You're a fool!

Well, I don't have no fools workin' for me.

You find yourself another job next Sadd'y!"

That very night I seen that bird, Ike Bloom,

That runs the Bee Hive, and he was so glad

To get me workin' there, he snapped me up,

And give me thirty-five per week —five more

Than I was gettin' from my reg'lar boss.

You should of saw how Nellie took the news.

She cried some more, and says, "Frank, I ain't worth it!

Frank, you're the finest thing in all the world!"

And then she kissed me. But it wasn't real,

The way it should of been. It wasn't real.

IV

I GOT along with Bloom, though not so well,

But still not so's I had a real kick comin.'

Nellie and me was better pals than ever;

And all the time I thought that I could see

That she was gettin' so she loved me right.

Then Fall come round, and Nellie went away

Down to Peoria, to see her sister.

She wrote to me three times in the first week,

And then, the second week she wrote me oncet,

And then I didn't hear another word

For ten days. Was I worried? Well, I ast you.

I was just goin' to take a train down there

And see what was the trouble, when the phone rang,

And it was Nellie, sayin' to come down

For supper, that she was so glad to hear me,

And wanted me to meet a friend of hers

That come up home with her.

I was mad and hurt, And maybe didn't talk the way I should of.

At any rate, she says, "Please don't be mad;

I can explain it all when you come down."

Well, of course just by luck it had to happen

That Bloom and me was takin' inventory,

And so I had to go without the supper,

And didn't get to Nell's till after nine.

The first thing that I seen was a big guy—

Not a girl, like I thought—about six foot,

Big as a house, settin' there on the sofa;

I never seen a bird so much at home.

Nellie jumps up, and blushes, then she stutters,

"Frank! Why, I thought that you was never comin'.

My, I'm so glad to see you: meet Sam Finch—

Sam, this is Frank you heard me talk about.

I know that you and him will be good friends."

Now, how's that for a greetin' from your girl?

She kep' right on. "Sam's from it Peoria,

And rode up with me. He's on It business here.

Now ain't that nice? We're goin' to a movie.

Come on along." And all the time this goof,

This Finch> was actin' like j wasn't there>

And starin> at her> whiles she kept on blushin'.

I felt all sick inside, and says, I "No thanks,

I'm tired out. I'll see you later on."

She didn't beg me, like she want ed me,

And so I walked back home, wantin' to cry.

V

NEXT night, right after work, I goes to Nell's,

Just like the old days, without callin' up.

There was this Finch again. It made me sore.

I says, "Look here, Nell, are you busy now?

I'd like to see you." Nell looks round at Finch,

And hesitates, and says, "Well, Frank, you see-"

But that was all the further that she got.

Finch gets up to his feet and grabs his hat,

And turns around to Nell: "Now. listen, Nell.

Just get me right. Now, when I got a date

With you, I got it, see? Without no others

Around. Good-night!", and then walks right out.

She jumps up from the chair and follows him.

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And I can hear her beggin' him outside

Not to get sore. I waited five whole minutes,

Then I runs out the back door, and keeps runnin'.

Well, I got through my work next day, some how.

I was through feelin' Somethin' way inside

Was dead, and that was all. I was quite cool,

And went to supper, et a little grub,

And walked into her parlor, without knockin'.

Part of a song kept singin' in my ear,

"Love 'em and leave 'em! Love 'em and leave 'em!" Right!

I grinned when I seen what I thought I'd see:

That big bum sittin' with her on the sofa.

He had his arm around her, and he kept it

Around her. He just gives a dirty look

At me, and hollers out, "No fish today!"

Nell gives a jump, but he just holds her there.

And all her jumpin' didn't make no difference.

For I sure knew that I had got the gate.

"Take her", I says, "You take her and be damned!

Nellie, I wanta thank you for a lesson.

Never again for me! Never again!

'Love 'em and leave 'em!' That's me, from now on!"