House-rules for House-guests

If You Want to Make Visitors Really Enjoy Themselves, Don't Let Them Feel At Home

GEORGE S. CHAPPELL

SOCIETY may be roughly divided into two dasses—visitors and visitees. It is with the interests of both at heart that I . am moved to make a few suggestions for their mutual advantage.

The kernel of my nut—if you follow me— is this: There should be rigid and definite rules for house-guests, statutes of limitation, prescribed activities and mandatory occupations. In a word, the guests' thinking should be done for them. I realize that this is revolutionary doctrine but let us briefly examine the old status and compare it with the beauty of my new theory. I will then cite you a number of examples of domestic legislation which I feel sure will prove my case.

Under the old dispensation the basic idea was that the guest should be made to feel at home. This is a poisonous theory, fatal to enjoyment. Obviously if a person wished to feel at home he would stay there and not go weekending about, bag and baggage, with all the bother of packing, catching trains, sleeping in strange beds and playing bridge with unknown partners. No, against all the inconveniences of visiting the one great counter-motive is the sense of adventure, the inward hope and expectation that it will not be a bit like home. However the old idiocy is still prevalent. Hosts and hostesses insist on greeting one with some such formula as—"This is Freedom Hall! You must do exactly as you like. We are not going to entertain you. You may breakfast when you please, dine when you please, wear what you please and do what you please."

This greeting is always delivered archly with a certain roguish satisfaction. Of course what it really does is to dump the entire responsibility for having a good time from the shoulders of the host where it properly belongs to those of the guest who rarely has the slightest idea how to go about the job of entertaining himself.

Rules, regulations, guidance, schedules, these I repeat are absolutely necessary. And now we come to more specific instances, and, in order to explain them more clearly, let me be definite and personal and tell you how splendidly they have worked out in the menage of the Walton Traphagens whom I visit so often at Wycussett, Long Island. It was to them that I first broached my ideas on the subject and they took to them like the proverbial Long Island ducks to water. After several consultations we arrived at a number of axioms upon which I will briefly comment.

The Easy Exit

AXIOM 1. Always let your guest know how he can get away.

This sounds inhospitable but I assure you that in its essence it is the most delicate form of hospitality. All visits are a polite form of incarceration, particularly first ones. Many a visit which might otherwise have been thoroughly enjoyable is spoiled by this vague sense of imprisonment. Can we not all recall weekends among the tall timbers of Tuxedo or the wilds of Westchester when, with the railroad station at an indefinite distance, one's timetable lost, and with no knowledge of the conditions of motor-transport, we roamed about with the furtive feeling of a Sing Sing "lifer" who might be expected at any moment to scale the wall and make a break for the open?

To do away with this unpleasant sensation we—the Traphagens and I—evolved the happy expedient of placing a framed time-table in each of the bed-rooms in addition to a copy prominently displayed in the entrance hall. In close proximity is a neatly lettered card stating that motors will leave the west entrance in time to connect with at least two trains a day for the city. It was Marian* Traphagen's excellent idea to supplement the framed copies with a number of loose ones which the guests can carry about in their pockets in case they should be seized with a sudden attack of prison-panic while far from the house, playing golf or riding. At such times a glance at the time-table is as soothing as the jab of a needle to a nervous addict. It is all based on the theory that prompts the fire-department to print in every theatre-program those plans of the theatres which look so unlike plans and so much like dress-shirt fronts; the audience has the comfortable feeling that It can get out in three minutes if it wants to. A little refinement of courtesy is to place a pad of telegraph blanks in each room, which enables the occupant to send himself an emergency wire at any time, day or night, in case he wishes to keep some particularly entrancing date in town.

Duration of Stay

AXIOM 2. Always inform your guest how long he is expected to stay.

This regulation is properly designed as a protection to the host and hostess, though it also has its advantages for the guest to whom the question is sometimes one of embarrassment. There is a small but not negligible class composed mainly of young people, gay debutantes and recent college graduates who like nothing better than to stay on after a party is really over. At such times the responsible host is usually back at his office toiling through the? routine of business, where his efficiency is much impaired by the thought of what may be happening to his motors, his horses and his private stock. Also, if his wife happens to be as attractive, as is Marian Traphagen and an unattached bachelor has been left behind for an indeterminate stay, the horrid demon of jealousy is sure to raise his head from the paper basket. All in all, it is much better to crystallize and define this feature of visiting with a frank statement to the effect that, rain or shine, "Mr, So-and-So leaves on Monday."

The Systematic Day

AXIOM 3. All guests' activities should be outlined.

In this statement we come tc the very meat of the idea which underlies the entire subject. The Traphagen system, in the success of which I claim a modest share, is based mainly upon the use of bulletins. These are issued at frequent intervals and are posted in the main hall. Carbon copies of the latest bulletin decorate each pillow at night. For instance, suppose you arrive late on a Friday. Before retiring you read a folded slip of paper which runs as follows:

To-morrow's Breakfast (8 to 9.30) Grapefruit

Oatmeal. Wheatena. Choice of (Two bowls) Scrambled Eggs, Bacon and Sausages Coffee, Tea, Chocolate, Choice of (Three cups) Rolls, Toast, Orange Marmalade

Now mark what this accomplishes. To begin with the hours for breakfast are clearly defined. There is no lolling about in one's room until eleven o'clock which inevitably annoys the domestics and disrupts everyone's day. Secondly, the publication of an attractive menu makes rising a positive pleasure. It is here that the intelligence and inventive genius of the hostess are put to the test. She must devise a morning repast the mere reading of which at night will make an indelible impression so that each guest, as he or she regains consciousness, will murmur drowsily, "Griddle cakes" or "fried hominy" or some such magic word. Mrs. Traphagen confides to me that sausages are 100 per cent efficient. With them on the menu it is no longer necessary to call the guests. At eight o'clock the maid opens the door at the head of the service-stair and the aroma does the rest.

Thirdly, in regard to this particular bulletin you will note that there are quantitative limitations. These are for the mutual protection of all. Where breakfast is served in the English style on unprotected heaters, it is quite possible for a cereal-hound to make away with practically the entire supply, or a coffee-addict may get three cups ahead of his field and reduce the entire party to short-rations.

After breakfast, the morning Bulletin is published. Opposite your name you will find, for instance:

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10-12: Golf (Mixed Foursome) Your partner is Miss Wadleigh

You may not care especially for golf, or Miss Wadleigh, but you take them both on. I assure you it is astounding how care-free and charming existence becomes under this regime. You haven't an idea, a thought, a plan, an action of will in your head. Your thinking is entirely taken off your hands, or perhaps I should say—mind. The great busy whirring wheels of your brain are stilled—the plant is shut down and the result is rest, recreation, relaxation and refreshment. Of course one's enjoyments are varied. If you are slightly bored with Miss Wadleigh during the morning hours you have the satisfaction of knowing that some one else will have have her for the afternoon! While as for the young lady herself, she has a glorious time. The method is a boon to those who under the old selective system seemed never to be selected, but were always being avoided.

The Traphagens wisely allow for three recess periods, an hour immediately after luncheon which is usually devoted to a nap, one just before dinner, for reading, letter-writing, dressing, etc., and another before the midnight curfew, the sweet hour before sleep, the hour of whispered tete-a-tete in the cool conservatory or dark billiard room, an hour made doubly precious by the relaxation of regime.

Room Rules

LITTLE more need be said, I think, to show the beauty of the standardized day, though it may not be amiss to mention the Room Rules which are made a feature at Wycusset. There are in the nature of little intimate observances which are ofgreat assistance to the guest in the privacy of his own apartment. They are printed, on a card which is stuck in the mirror and from which I quote a few examples:

Books. Should guests on leaving desire to take with them any of the books on the side-table, they are requested to enter the title of same on the card provided for that purpose which will be found just inside the cover. It is not expected that the book will be returned, but your hostess will appreciate information as to the title in order to replace same. Should the volume be one of a set kindly take the entire set.

Use of Bath. The bath adjoining your room also serves Room B. It is therefore requested that aquatic exercises be limited as nearly as possible to one-half hour. Upon leaving bath kindly lock your door to same. This automatically unlocks door from bath to Room B, and flashes daylight signal signifying "Bath-way clear: go ahead."

Night-Cap. A Scotch night-cap, 4 oz. will be found in small vial in night-table drawer. Guests requiring additional head-covering are requested to ring for same, rather than to attempt to secure same from dining-room, owing to danger from night-watchman.

Tips. Kindly tip the servants as liberally as your purse will allow. It is difficult enough to keep them in the country as it is, and any assistance will be thoroughly appreciated.

But there! I think I have shown how thoroughly possible it is to anticipate a guest's every need, relieve him of every responsibility, do his planning for him and avoid the usual grievous error of making him feel in the slightest degree "at home". Believe me, after twenty years of visiting, Iknow whereof I speak.