The Florist's Daughter

A Drama, in the Most Modern of Manners, in Three Moving Tableaux

HENRY WILLIAM HANEMANN

Tableau I: "Love Comes But Once-"

THE FRONT OF A FLORIST'S SHOP

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER Pansies for thoughts. Rosemary for remembrance. Sage for wisdom. Thyme for the postman. Is this he, I wonder?

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION No, it is not the postman. It is I. My name is William. I am a Young Man of No Particular Distinction.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER What is it you wish, Young Man of No Particular Distinction? Lilies for purity? Carnations for the buttonhole? Roses for twenty dollars a dozen ? Speak.. I am a Florist's Daughter.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION O, Florist's Daughter! For weeks I have watched you tending the blossoms in your father's shop. Your lips are redder than the snowiest of snowdrops. Your brow is fairer than the glorious browallia. Your eyes are deeper than the iris, and snap more romantically than the snapdragon. O, Florist's Daughter, I love you madly.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER You talk like a seed catalogue. I have never seen you before, Young Man of No Particular Distinction, but (shyly) I like your suit.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION You like my suit? It covers a heart that is choking for love of you. Fly with me. Not in an aeroplane, but in my lavender, twelvecylinder roadster which is outside the door. We shall dwell in the valley with the lilies of the valley and in the mountain with the mountain laurel.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER I am young and simple. I am a Florist's Daughter. I cannot resist your flowery language. I will fly with you. Wait for me in your lavender, twelve-cylinder roadster, which is outside the door.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION

I shall wait. (Exit.)

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER

Sweet William! I go to pack my effects. Gilly-flowers for gillies. Cauliflowers forcollies. (Exit.)

Tableau II: A Father's Anger THE BACK OF THE FLORIST'S SHOP

THE IRATE AND IMPASSIONED FATHER

Asthmatic and Ambitious Mother, I tell you ⅛ our daughter has run away. I am furious. I see double. I am beside myself with rage. THE ASTHMATIC AND AMBITIOUS MOTHER Irate and Impassioned Father, be calm. The clothes of our daughter are not in her room. Neither are her toilet articles. Nor her traveling bag. Furthermore, I saw her but a scant hour ago, accompanied by a young man. She entered a lavender, twelve-cylinder roadster with him.

THE IRATE AND IMPASSIONED FATHER Idiot! Why did you not stop her?

THE ASTHMATIC AND AMBITIOUS MOTHER You know well, Irate and Impassioned

Father, I have never been one to stand in the way of our daughter's pleasures.

THE IRATE AND IMPASSIONED FATHER I have found a note which convinces me that she has run away. It is in our daughter's handwriting. {Reads) "Dear Father, I have run away with a Young Man of No Particular Distinction. I love him greatly. Try to forgive us. Your erring daughter."

THE ASTHMATIC AND AMBITIOUS MOTHER Oh, my poor child! I weep for her. Very likely the young man has no social standing whatever.

THE IRATE AND IMPASSIONED FATHER

As the father of my daughter, I feel it my duty to pursue them. I shall kill the young man with my hammerless revolver, and send our daughter to the convent. (Exit.)

THE ASTHMATIC AND AMBITIOUS MOTHER

Oh, my poor child! She has run off in an automobile with a Young Man of No Particular Distinction. I trust she will remember her bringing up and conduct herself in the manner of a gentlewoman.

Tableau III: A Woman's Wit

A STRAIGHT AND NARROW ROAD, FLANKED, ON BOTH SIDES, BY AN IMPENETRABLE FOREST

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER Young Man of No Particular Distinction, it is now three days and five nights that we have been riding in this, your lavender, twelvecylinder roadster, while my father, whose daughter I am, pursues us.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION, Even now he is but a short distance behind us. At the end of this road, which, by the sign-post, is sixty miles long, there stands a church. If we can reach it before your irate and impassioned father overtakes us, I shall esteem it a great honor if you will consent to become my lawful wife.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER

I love you deeply, Young Man. of No Particular Distinction. But I am willing to become your lawful wife. In that way we shall deprive my Irate and Impassioned Father of

the privilege of sending me to a convent and of killing you with his hammerless revolver.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION Why are you so sure that those are his intentions ?

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER My woman's intuition tells me so.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION I have great respect for a woman's intuition.

I shall increase our speed. Great Heavens! The front tire has burst! But we have time to put on another. Let us hasten.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER

Hasten and put on the new, white, extra tire which is part of the lavender roadster's equipment. What a dark and impenetrable forest surrounds us on both sides!

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION My heart has stopped beating! I have looked in the tool box. I have no jack. Without a jack, I cannot change the tire. We are lost!

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER The narrowness of the road makes it impossible for us to turn around. The forest is dark and impenetrable. Every minute my Irate and Impassioned Father is gaining upon us.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION Already I seem to hear the approach of the bullets from his hammerless revolver.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER

What can we do? Gladioli for gladness. Pussy-willows for pussy cats. Blue-bells for blue bell boys. . . . Ah, I have an idea! I am going to leave you—but I shall come back! {She disappears into the dark and impenetrable forest.)

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION

Without a jack I can do nothing. Something must be done. Let me try to raise the automobile with one hand while I replace the tire with the other. No, it is impossible. The Florist's Daughter, whom I love so madly, will shortly return from the forest and be imprisoned in a convent. I shall soon be dead; shot by the hammerless revolver of her Irate and Impassioned Father.

THE FLORIST'S DAUGHTER{Returning)

See what I have brought you. A flower! A simple, woodland flower! Through the trees of the impenetrable forest, the church, twelve miles away, is plainly visible. Our flight of three days and five nights is coming to an end. For all practical purposes we are married. Let us, at last, embrace.

THE YOUNG MAN OF NO DISTINCTION

{Seeing the flower in her hand.) We are saved! Oh, my beloved, what intelligence! What perspicacity! We are saved! {He takes the flower from her hand.) It is a Jack-inPulpit. {He removes the jack from tht pulpit, and with it jacks up the front of the car It is but the work of an instant to put on the spare wheel and the extra tire. They enter the laveruder roadster and continue their nuptial flight.)

CURTAIN

Kindly Omit Flowers