Indirect War-Work

Showing How Anything Can Be Justified If You Can Work It Out Far Enough

BRIGHTON PERRY

WE are taking this war pretty seriously out at Wimblehurst. Hardly a day goes by but what we think about the war in some way or another. But the human mind will stand just so much strain, and then it gives way, and several of us feel that there is such a thing as overdoing a good thing. We simply have got to take care of ourselves.

So we decided that we ought to have some bowling alleys built at the country club. Even before the war we had planned on having them done, and the Entertainment Committee had interviewed the bowling-alley people and their architect had drawn up some plans which had been posted on the board for several months. But then some old blight had suggested that the money might better be devoted to the Red Cross or something else equally wealthy, and the plan had fallen through. Subsequently, one thing had led to another, and this country had got into the war, and, of course, the bowling alleys had to be given up. Isn't that always the way?

BUT it seemed to us now that we were entitled to a little recreation; so we had a meeting of the Entertainment Committee to see if we couldn't get out the plans again and justify having the alleys built. George Gherkin was Chairman, and he has been very active in publicity work for the "Save Your Soap" movement, and, therefore, more or less used to thinking up arguments which aren't obviously so at first glance, but which grow more convincing the longer you hear them and the more tired you get. So we put the matter of justification of the bowling alleys up to him, and this is the way he figured it out:

Granted that the boys in France are doing a fine, even an important, work. No one would deny that for a minute. But it must also be recognized that great responsibilities fall on those of us who stay at home. The nation's business must be maintained. Supplies are as vital as bullets. (See any Food Administration or War Industries poster.) Now, in order to keep this tremendous machinery running at top speed, we, on whose shoulders the whole thing has fallen since the support of the young men has been taken away, must keep in good trim, mentally and physically. Exercise is a recognized method of keeping the human machine in good running order. A man can't do good war work if he is too obese. Bowling is a famous remedy for obesity. Institute bowling alleys, reduce the weight of the club members, increase their working capacity, enlarge the output of supplies and materials for our Allies and, thereby, directly contribute toward winning the war.

AN analysis of the occupations of the club members showed that most of them were either in the bond business or insurance, or were trustees of estates. This rather confused the issue, as it was impossible to point to any direct war materials that would grow as a result of the individual members increased efficiency but, fortunately, just at that time, we took in Albert MacChevington, whose firm is making rubber silence-pads for Government typewriting machines and, as Albert is very obese, it gave our case a certain timeliness which won the day. The club voted practically unanimously to have the alleys installed, even though it did take some space from the locker-room and generally inconvenienced the members during construction. We felt that it was little enough that we could do for the cause.

SHORTLY after that, one of the members suggested that the club build an addition, one story high, in which moving pictures could be shown on rainy evenings. This idea was rather frowned on at first, as it seemed a rather frivolous thing to be spending money for when money was so scarce in some of the poorer quarters and when so much was needed to buy war things with. But then George Gherkin took the proposition up and showed us where we were wrong. In fact, he said that it would be almost a treasonable offense for us to give up the idea of the moving picture casino at this time, and for this reason:

General Pershing has time and again said that the boys in France will get along somehow, but that it is the spirit of those of us who stay at home that counts. If we become pessimistic and downhearted, that spirit cannot help but be reflected in the attitude of the troops and, on the other hand, if we keep up a good heart and keep smiling, it will encourage the soldiers to even greater endeavors. Now, there is nothing that breeds pessimism more than brooding and there is nothing that prevents brooding better than something that takes one's mind off one's own problems and focuses it on something outside. Psychologists tell us that the moving pictures do this very thing.

George appealed to us personally to try and remember how we have laughed at Charlie Chaplin's queer antics and how much more cheerful we have felt afterward. And, when we came to think of it, it was true. Well, then, George had maintained, by the simple process of establishing a moving picture casino at the club and running comical pictures to make the members .laugh, we would directly effect the national morale to the extent of two hundred morale units and that, by creating a healthy atmosphere of optimism at home, we would indirectly communicate that spirit to the boys in the trenches and, perhaps, inspire them to go out and capture a whole bunch of Germans. In such a case, we might rightly claim that those Germans were our prisoners, for would it not be by our splendid co-operation that their capture was made possible?

The club had a perfunctory meeting on the subject, but it was a foregone conclusion that, with this in mind, it would be voted to build the moving-picture casino. We took the attitude that, although it cut off part of the view of the first green from the porch of the clubhouse, every one must do his or her bit in this war; and we were not going to be found wanting.

AFTER these things were built, we considered that we had done our share of war work for a while, but once you get started doing big things like that it is hard just to sit still and do nothing. So one evening, just after a Chaplin film, George came into the pool room and said that he was dry about the larynx. We had abolished the bar when the war started^ more on the patriotic spur of the moment than anything else, and we had often had occasion to regret it since. In fact, several of the members had referred to its removal as the result of hysteria. Anyway, it had been removed, and the counter was used as a coatroom. Of course, there was always the lockerroom, but you can't drink comfortably in a locker-room.

SO when George came in and said that he was dry, he struck a responsive chord in the rest of the assembly. It was suggested that, as the war didn't show any signs of letting up, we reinstate the bar, for it was understood when we abolished it that the war was going to last only three months longer. But this didn't have the right ring to it somehow, and we called a meeting of the Entertainment Committee to see what could be done.

With George's help, we reduced it to fairly simple terms. It is obvious that the greatest need of the present in the war is man-power. And yet, in the face of this, we had been sitting around the club looking at moving pictures operated by two young men of military age, or bowling with the assistance of pinboys who ought at least to be taking military training. We were deliberately with-holding a certain amount of man-power from the front at a time when it was most needed. Now, if we were willing to re-stock the bar, we would thereby create a substitute for the bowling and the moving pictures, making a place where the men could gather at night instead of relying on these other agencies, thereby releasing men for the army and navy. We could get Old Jip, who was eighty years old, to tend bar, and let the boys go. In that way, we would be doing more good than by the bowling alleys and moving pictures put together.

AND, anyway, we could probably get some girls to set up the pins and one of the members could learn to run the moving picture machine.

So we voted to re-stock the bar.

I don't know what other towns in this country are doing to help, but if they are going after it in the spirit of Wimblehurst, someone is going to win the war pretty soon.

But the important thing for all of us to remember, during the coming summer, is that our pleasures should all be made to take the form of War Work! If you are going to dance, dance for the war; if you are going to give vaudeville entertainments at the country club, call it a war benefit; if you are going to play golf in a tournament, play for the Belgian children; if, in short, you are going to do anything at all which you know is agreeable and light-minded and foolish and delightfully and criminally satisfying the simple method is to do it in the name of War.

Call it a Red Cross benefit, call it a pleasure drive for the soldiers, call it anything you like, but, for goodness' sake, don't call it Pleasure.